Kennedy Center Honors

Morgan Freeman: "Who's behind me?"

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Man's best friend

To see which is truly man’s best friend, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car.

An hour later, open the trunk.

Which one is happy to see you?

This just in:

From anonymous Internet sources:

There are two sure-fire indicia by which to measure our faith in the near future of the United States of America: the value of stocks and bonds are DOWN and the sales of guns and ammo are UP.

Confession

Here's is another anonymous Internet confession:

"I drove a cab for about 10 years. Every so often I’d pick up someone who would loudly proclaim that they were “For the Little Guy!”, or “Working Man”, it was pretty much the same. If they said it once, I could kiss my tip good bye. If it was mentioned more than once, I knew getting paid would be a problem. Obambi and his supporters have said many times that they are for the “Little Guy”. I figure we’re pretty much effed."

Dating

A dialogue fragment found on the Internet:

Try DATING in an overwhelmingly liberal area!

Lib chicks are easy. Just say some crap about saving the whales, about how you think Bono should become Secretary General, and BAM! you've got them in the sack.

Guts and balls?

Guts or Balls? There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion, the following definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Rocky

Pray-in at S.F. gas station asks God to lower prices

"God is the only one we can turn to at this point," said (Rocky) Twyman, 59. "Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring."
(Full story.)

News of the world

SAN FRANCISCO, May 10 (UPI) -- San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom is attempting to find a way to close a major stretch of roadway to allow residents to do yoga in a wide open space.

Newsom said by closing a 3 1/2-mile stretch of road, residents would be able to indulge their yoga, bicycling or dancing hobbies in the Bay Bridge's shadow, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Saturday.

"Instead of bringing people to open space," Newsom said, "we bring open space to people."

Public Enemy

You do remember the scene in William Wellman's 1931 film The Public Enemy, where James Cagney plants a grapefruit on Mae Clarke's face?

Here's the scene re-enacted for the current political season.

The Art of Woo Woo

You mean to say you have never heard of woo woo? I first encountered woo woo in Europe, though it wasn't called that there, and what it is called I don't know. But in San Francisco, it is called 'woo woo'. You are driving around a busy neighbourhood, around the block, around the block again, looking for a parking space, and a man, looking like a bum, a homeless person, waves at you, shouts 'woo woo', and leads you to a free parking space. You feel obligated to give him a dollar or two, and for that he promises to watch the car for you, and if you work nearby, to alert you when the meter maids come around, because while free, this is a two hour parking zone. That's woo woo!

Some of these guys are quite good, a newspaper article informs me, and have been at it for years, with their own places of business and steady clientele in the area known as South of Market. Others fight turf wars, especially around popular nightclubs, and many, if not most, are homeless, scraping by, addicted to alcohol or drugs.

Woo woo.

Stooges 2008

You have seen the famous Three Stooges photo before, haven't you?

This being a Presidential Election year, here's an updated version:

Animal love

Who says that animals don't have feelings?

Or insert this URL in your browser (IE 6 works, Firefox doesn't) if the direct linking doesn't work:

http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.html

Or try this, YouTube link.

Yellow Journalism

AUSTIN, Texas (CNN) — The scene of the Clinton press corps' less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men's locker room. (Photo Credit: Sasha Johnson/CNN)

Schwanzstucker

This morning's newspaper informs that 'women are falling for' a certain political candidate. One wag explains why: 'The gals are just titillated by his schwanzstucker.'

Schwanz what? Why, schwanzstucker!

Silly math

8.4699453551912568306010928961749 %

At midnight tonight, that is how much of year 2008 will have passed.

Party Time!